In Life and Healthcare, Things are not Always as They Appear

Don't trust initial appearances-even salt looks like sugar.

Photo by Sandy B on Unsplash

For years, I watched as my next-door neighbors received a fresh flower delivery every day. From our side-by-side windows, I saw the florist arrive promptly each morning, handing over a large bouquet bursting with color. I always smiled, thinking, That Mr. Thompson- he’s such an undercover romantic- always sending flowers to his wife like that. That must be something that people without kids do.

I admired the gesture. Peering through the window at the various fresh bouquets sitting in shiny glass vases on their marble kitchen countertop, I imagined the accompanying sweet aroma of fresh blooms. Such a romantic story-a floral testament to enduring love.

So yesterday I was surprised when the florist knocked on our door for the daily Thompson floral drop off. It was 22 degrees outside. The wind swept across our front porch with a vicious fury. The windblown florist’s hands shivered visibly under his thin gloves. “These belong to your neighbors, but they don’t seem to be home,” he began. “I don’t want to leave them on the doorstep where they will freeze. Could you hold onto them until they get home?” he inquired.

“Of course!” I chirped back, excited to get the anticipated delivery for once. There was no card attached. A small white tag simply read, Deliver to Mr. Jason Thompson. Intriguing. I was surprised there was no mention of his wife. Initially I assumed it must be a typo. Then I became increasingly curious about the mystery sender. Who sends flowers without a card? Could Mr. Thompson have a secret admirer? My Sherlock Holmes mind swirled in a million directions.

Not sure who to alert, I texted both Mr. and Mrs. Thompson that “their” flowers had arrived. They knocked on our door about an hour later to retrieve the fresh blooms. As I reluctantly handed the bouquet over to Mr. Thompson, I couldn’t resist commenting, “These are so nice. Mrs. Thompson must be so happy to receive such beautiful flowers from you every day.”

Mr. Thompson chucked, a twinkle in his eye. “Oh, these aren’t for her,” he said, nodding towards his wife. She smiled back at him knowingly. “They’re for me! I just love fresh flowers around the house. They brighten up my day and add a touch of sophistication.”

I blinked, taken aback. All these years I had assumed the flowers were a romantic gesture. I slowly smiled, realizing just how wrong I had been this entire time. “Well, they certainly are beautiful. I never thought…”

He nodded. “Things aren’t always as they appear. We all have our little joys, don’t we?”

Walking back into the house, I thought about his words. Things aren’t always as they appear. People are complex. The truth is rarely black or white. More often, it’s a more nuanced, intricate shade of gray.

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In healthcare, things are also not always as they initially appear. We are all guilty of jumping to initial, sometimes erroneous, conclusions from time to time. Ironically, the longer you work in healthcare, the more often this happens. Our brains thrive on pattern recognition, on putting puzzle pieces together. When we see many patient puzzles over time, our brains jump to put the pieces together even more quickly: the anxious patient who might be seeking benzos, the chronic pain patient who might ask for an opioid, the struggling college student who might ask for a stimulant…. or who might not.

The longer we work in healthcare, the more important it is to keep an open mind. Be curious. Be cautious with assumptions. Be mindful of confirmation bias. Humans are complex, nuanced, and intricate- always changing and evolving. Behavior patterns can be helpful, but they can also be overly simplistic. We assume patients are clear glass windows that we can see straight through: husbands sending flowers to their wives. But the reality is humans are more like stained glass windows- opaque, multi-colored, sometimes changing with the light and the time of day- and impossible to see through. And that’s what makes life, and healthcare, so fascinating.

-Lauren