What I (truly) Liked Best About Grandma

My grandmother passed away at the age of 97 this past Monday. Her memorial was today. This is a story about how loved ones support our dreams and aspirations in powerful and often unexpected ways.

Medical School Graduation, 2009, with my Grandmother

Our perception of those we hold close changes with time. We grow up, we experience new things, we evolve. Our views of loved ones evolve with us based on our own unique life experiences.

Growing up, what I loved best about Grandma was her cooking and her voice. We only saw her about once a year due to distance. During the weeks leading up to our annual mini-van pilgrimage from Clemson South Carolina to Hattiesburg Mississippi, I eagerly looked forward to eating large bowls of her seafood gumbo, topped off with home baked, fresh out of the oven pound cake. My younger brother Ryan did not like seafood (which should be a sin for a southerner). For him, Grandma would go to the additional effort to make the traditional seafood gumbo and a seafood free version just for him. I woulda said, “Deal with it, kiddo. It’s homemade gumbo for goodness sakes.” Not Grandma. She spent hours making that special batch just for him.

It's funny what stands out to you as a child. Little girl Lauren loved Grandma’s voice. It was soft, soothing, and measured, with just a sprinkle of gentile, southern sophistication. While my back woods South Carolina southern English could have easily earned me a spot as an extra on the set of Deliverance or The Beverly Hillbillies, Grandma’s accent was straight out of Gone with the Wind. Every time she spoke, I imagined stagecoaches, hoopskirt dresses, and grand ballroom parties.

I especially loved waking up to Grandma yelling at my Grandpa’s parakeet. She would shout, “Shut up, bird!” while casting a disapproving glance towards the towel covered cage in the living room corner nestled beside Grandpa’s brown leather recliner. (The cage was also strategically placed furthest away from Grandma’s recliner chair.)

I looked forward to her chiding the bird each morning. I secretly hoped the ornery parakeet would start squawking earlier and earlier in the morning hours- just so I could hear Grandma reprimand it more. I couldn’t put my finger on why it gave me so much satisfaction then. But looking back now, there was something greater that I appreciated beyond just the humorous visual of a beautiful, sophisticated southern lady yelling at a yellow towel covered birdcage and receiving defiant chirps in response. What I really admired most in the daily bird showdowns was her bold, assertive persistence and polished confidence executed with calm feminine grace. Society often tells us that exerting power and authority is best done by men. Grandma was a rare example of refined poise, confidence, and an unspoken executive presence that was uncompromisingly feminine. I loved it. It was also a great preview into parenting.

When I got to be a teenager and young adult, what I came to love most in Grandma was her unique boldness. Unlike most senior citizens, she got her ears pierced… at age 80. I never forget going with her to the Claires in the Turtle Creek Mall. My younger sister and I were way more excited to witness this than Grandma was to do it. The teenager behind the counter glanced over at Grandma and scoffed, “She wants to get her ears pierced??” Undaunted, Grandma stared right back at her, and using her confident bird voice, responded, “And why not?”

I was even more impressed when Grandma rode our lake jet ski-maxing it out to a speed of 80 miles per hour-at age 82.

But her undeniable maverick streak made perhaps the biggest impression when I realized she regularly carried a pink semi-automatic handgun in her refined, pearl studded purse. How many people can boost of a grandmother who makes amazing homemade meals AND goes to the grocery store packing heat, while riding jet skis in her spare time? What. A. Lady.

Balancing professional goals with personal relationships became more important as I grew older. As I gradually grew into early adult Lauren, what I truly admired most about Grandma was her unwavering, vocal support encouraging me to prioritize my career goals and not let anything else get in the way. The first year I started medical school, she said, “Now Lauren: Don’t you let any boys get in between you and your doctorin’ goals. You’ve come so far.”

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I graduated medical school in 2009, only a few months after Grandpa passed away. Well into her eighties and newly a widow, Grandma still made the 11-hour drive to Charleston, South Carolina to be present for my medical school graduation. It meant so much to me.

Years later, I called Grandma to tell her that we named our second child Lynelle. Our third generation Lynelle is a lot like Grandma LeNelle: spunky, determined, outgoing, defiant, and confident. Grandma was so happy. She said, “Being a mother is so rewarding and so important. But so is being a doctor. Don’t give up either.” Grandma was a female born in the south in 1927- only 7 years after women got the right to vote, and many years before women even had the right to own property. But she still had a 2024 mindset. It was my favorite conversation with her.

I was lucky. I got to experience the many different gifts that Grandma meant to me as a child, a teenager, a young adult, and a mature adult. That’s a testament to her longevity and good health. But it’s also a tribute to her depth of character, her complexity, her many talents and dimensions, and her ability to project both strength and femininity in a beautiful way that only she could ever do.

-Lauren

How I like to remember Grandma….